Darkness, Red, and Charismatic Faith

Darkness. The absolute opposite of light. It’s what you see when you supposedly cannot see anything. It contradicts itself. Without light there is nothing that defines darkness and without darkness there is nothing that defines light. They depend on the other to define what they are in a odd sort of way.

I have an extremely quick temper. Then again so do my parents. They’re both quite extremists. When we clash together I usually quickly see red. Red. It’s a color of such emotion. We humans tie various emotions of with red. Mostly passionate emotions. It’s a color of lust, desire, rage, fury, anguish, and love. I’d say that my relationship with my parents is a rocky road of anger and love.

These past few days for me I’ve blown up in anger because of different things. I’ll tell you straight up that emotional stability is NOT one of my strong points. When my blood starts pumping I turn into an emotional mess. Crying is my reaction to my rage. I’ve shed quite a few tears in my short lifespan. My family has grown quite used to it though I do believe it might be a shocking revelation to some that I know. I believe that right now Jesus is putting me through trials, and I’m feeling the burn. I just know that someday this life will pay off. I’m ashamed of my self-pity, but wallowing in guilt is just as unattractive. When I start crying orignally for myself it usually makes my mind wander and think of those who truly have reason to cry, and I just weep all the more.

Understanding people is something I like to try to do. When meeting a person for the first time I try to remember, “Don’t judge. God made them. God loves them. Treat them well.” It kinda changes your whole perspective or outlook on other people no matter the way they dress, speak, or act. I have a very vulernable side that I show on occasion and I think that may scare some people. I also tend to be a little quick to wholeheartedly believe someone’s words once they supposedly open up to me. I, myself, am a very guarded person although when I’m comfortable with someone I am rather amiable and outgoing. I also have a wonderful best friend who I go to with everything because her own Godly self comforts me greatly. {Even before my parents…I know…but as I said, they’re extremists.}

I guess you could say I look at life mediocrely…a little on the down side. I wouldn’t go so far to say that I’m your glass half-empty person but I’m more of your glass 1/4th cup full person. I have my extremes where I blow and where I relax and I despise specific things. I’m not to attention-grabbing so people usually don’t gravitate towards me, but I’m not always in the corner either. I’m the median. The middle. Many people have told me I’m normal. Average. The one and only sane person. Mature. The thing is, everyone’s definition of normal is different and therefore there is no norm. Only habitual stereotypes I guess you could say.

One trait I do wish that I had though is charisma.

Charisma (noun) -compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others.

I wouldn’t necessarily just want charisma in the physical or self-confidence sense but I wish that I had more charisma in my faith. If I had to show off anything I’d like to showcase my faith. Not to brag, but to potentially help others. I pray that someday people will see charisma in my faith, not because it’s perfect (because it most definitely is not…) but because it’s flawed. I believe that showing others that since faith can stand through trials and the tests of the devil, that faith can stand through everything and anything. Witnessing is one thing that I would love to do more of and charismatic faith would make it easier to do so. So today my prayer is, charismatic faith. That is, if it’s even a thing. You get the gist.

Summer 2013 is almost here!



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