Envy is a horrible feeling. I absolutely detest it with every ounce of my being. Yet, we all feel it creeping on us and seeping into our bones.
Envy is a struggle I have faced time and time again. Mainly, I envy others abilities to be social, to make friends, and to have many close friendships. When I type this all out, I realize how ridiculous this all is.
I am blessed with the best friends I could ask for, and what we have is no less special than the friendships others have as well.
A big factor in this aspect of my jealousy tends to be the fact that most of my best friends do not attend the same school that I do. While there are many times that I am grateful of this fact, for multiple reasons, I can’t help but long for the security of a big group of friends to surround me at school.
What I have come to realize is that it doesn’t matter. My goal in life is to live for Jesus everyday. If I successfully do that, then I will build friendships from it, and many other results with occur as well.
Sociality is a trait that is not nearly as easy for me as it is for other people, but I have come to realize that even if it’s not one of my strengths, Jesus has blessed me with many others.
My fear is of the initial talking and getting to know a person before I’m comfortable with them. I fear judgement and unacceptance.
What I need to accept is the fact that friendships can’t be formed without risks. Heck, nothing great in relationships and friendships can come without risks. We have to take risks if we want a chance at success. Envy is a pitiful reason to covet things that you, in fact, could have yourself.
My prayer is that I can put my envy behind me, and take the risk to form friendships. To put myself out there, and be willing to possibly get hurt. With Jesus I can do anything, but with myself alone I can do nothing.
It is with Jesus that I will take risks, live for Him, and build friendships. It would be without Jesus’ pride in me that I would sit back and covet what is within reach.
As much as I hate the phrase, everything does happen for a reason. Only the Father knows.
All prayers appreciated,
–Changing for Him